Happy-Go-Plucky

Who says sacred time has to be serious?

Meditation is great. Quiet contemplation, I've got nothing against it. I do both on a regular basis. But now I would like to make a case for silliness and fun as a sacred practice.

You know, dancing around like a little kid not worried about what you look like, making funny faces, singing with gusto, laughing too loud, and generally expressing your joy and sharing it with other people - as a part of your spiritual quest. 

Spirituality, for me, isn't just about my personal experience, it's also about my connection with other people and even, on occasion, with animals. And the times when I feel most connected with other people tend to be moments when I'm sharing a deep belly laugh with someone, celebrating on a dance floor, or singing with a large group of people. Those are the moments when my soul is filled up to the brim, and I am spilling over with love. 

Surely these moments are sacred?

I was in a fairly  serious place all winter, and then as the buds began to open on the trees, silliness began to blossom in me again. I started to have fun for no other reason than it felt great. 

And I also started to feel guilty. I was feeling guilty so much that I actually had to stop having fun to sit down and quietly contemplate what the hell was going on. 

Conclusion: I am an adult, but I still like to act silly and have fun. I don't have to ask anyone's permission to do so. If the pesky voice inside my head starts to berate me for what I should or shouldn't be doing, I have every right to tell that voice to shut up. Because no one has the right to tell me that I shouldn't live a BIG, joyful life - not even the critical voice in my head. Especially not the voice in my head! 

Here's something else - when I've had a silly time, and I'm feeling all buzzy and sparkly with life, I'm more present and experience things that would otherwise escape my notice. The silly moments actually deepen the more 'traditional' sacred practices that are part of my life.

So I'm off to hula-hoop, or skip, or laugh hysterically at the fish-slapping dance - it's silly, it can be sacred, and it's all good fun. 

 

A Conversation With My Body

I've been working an insane number of hours over the past month or so. Last week alone I worked 85

Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/anikarenina/

hours for one client. One client. I finally decided to put the brakes on and took Easter Sunday off. 

I had a beautiful day with my husband, brother, and sister-in-law, hiking at DuPont State Forest. We had a picnic, admired the waterfalls, and listened to the rain as it dropped lightly on the lake. It was an all around perfect day. Until...

I noticed my throat getting sore around 8:00 p.m. At 10:00, the chills began. 10:30 I mentioned to Tom that I had body aches, and at 10:45 I took my temperature - 102 degrees. Yikes. 

This always happens. When will I learn? Over and over again I push myself to the absolute limit, my body breaks down and I get sick. If I won't take the time to rest, my body makes me rest. 

But this was terrible timing. I had a long talk with Tom on Saturday about setting a more reasonable workload for myself - and planning downtime and fun (FUN!) into my workweek. I had a whole smorgasbord of wonderful things planned for myself: lunch with a friend, my first ever Pilates class, an evening out with a group of girlfriends, walks with the dogs - these were things I did NOT want to miss. 

So - and this is gonna sound a little nuts - I had a conversation with my body. Out loud!

I said:

'Hey. I totally understand why you're doing this. You need a break. You really do. And my history with you has not been good. Over and over I neglect you and expect too much from you. So if you want to be sick, I get it.

But let me make a case for NOT getting sick. 

I want to try harder for you. I want to practice at setting boundaries, saying no, and standing up for you. 

If you get sick now, it'll be the easy way out. I don't want the easy way out. I want to prove to you that I can put you first. I want to stand up for you.

I've got some really great things planned for us this week - and I don't think you want to miss out by feeling terrible.

I promise to go easy this week. I promise to give you time outside, and movement, and beauty. I promise to make more room for play and creativity. 

I promise to listen to you.

If I don't keep my promise, I understand that I will lose your trust - possibly forever. 

I promise to take care of you better from here on out.'

I took a few deep breaths, felt the magnitude of the moment and went to bed. 

I woke up Monday morning feeling 100% fine. All my symptoms were gone. I thanked my body for giving me another chance, and got on with my (reasonable) workday. 

So far, I've kept my promise ;) 

Sick for over a Month - do not like

By Nicole Hand

Turn her hair red and add a few more under eye circles and you will have an accurate picture of what I've looked like for 6 weeks.

I've been sick for over a month - well, it's actually more like 6 weeks. Yikes. I had a mild case of bronchitis (just enough to make me miserable, but not miserable enough to stop working) and then just as I was getting better, I got much, much worse. 

My immune system was compromised and I caught something else. The docs aren't 100% sure of what I caught, so they treated me for both atypical bacteria (?!?) and walking pneumonia. And - thank all that is good in this world - the meds are working! I am feeling much, much better. 

What I have learned during this time:

1. I am not good at being sick. I'm not one of those good people who bravely face their symptoms with a smile on their face - I am whiny, grumpy, and I always (ALWAYS) push myself too hard and try to do too much while ill.
2. I like to exercise. I haven't been able to do much of anything physical over the last 6 weeks and it's driving me crazeeeeee! Even a gentle walk with my dogs sends me into fits of coughing. I miss moving my body and cannot wait until I can really move and get my heart rate up again. In the meantime, I'm grateful for non-cardio yoga and  tai chi classes.
3. I don't care if it makes me the biggest nerd on the planet - I am so, so, so thankful for books. I have actual friends and family who are supportive, but I don't want to bother them at 3:00 in the morning when I am wide awake and have almost cracked a rib from coughing. That's when my other 'friends,' my books, come in.  
4. It is a very good thing to have 3 cats and 2 dogs to keep you company while sick. I always had a furry companion curled up next to me - and they didn't care if my hair was greasy, or that I wore the same p.j.'s for 3 days in a row (a low point, I'll admit). 
5. I should take time off. Work is not everything. I pushed myself to work the whole time I had bronchitis, which probably resulted in my getting the nasty bacteria/walking pneumonia. This is something I know with my head, but not deep down in my heart yet. So I will probably make this mistake again. Le sigh. Oh wells. I'll get it someday, right?
6. Chocolate tastes just as good when you are sick as when you're well. Chocolate = magic. Truth. 

 

 

 

 

 

Autumn Leaves in the Mountains of Asheville

By Nicole Hand

Fall is my favorite time of year. Over the weekend we took a drive and a leisurely walk and drank in all the beauty around us. Here is the video I made:

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The Friendship Project

By Nicole Hand

I love my birthday. LOVE it. I am one of those obnoxious (or charming, depending on your 

viewpoint) people who look forward to their birthday and talk about it incessantly. There is no way that anyone is ever going to forget my birthday because I will bring it up at least 38 times in the month leading up to the big day.

Conversations go like this:

Friend: "It doesn't seem fair that Mantis Shrimp see so many more colors than humans do. I mean, can they even appreciate all the colors that they're seeing? Probably not. What do you think the world looks like to them?"

Me: "Mmmmm. Yeah. I see what you mean... Did you know my birthday is coming up?"

Okay, I'm not quite that bad. But close. 

Then, the actual day comes and I am like a 6-year-old at Christmas - just buzzing the whole day with giddy excitement and relentless happiness. 

This year, I actually took some time to figure out why I love my birthday so much. 

First: I love the idea that I have successfully completed another orbit of the sun. I don't know why, but this gives me such a thrill.

Second: I begin each b-day by waking up and proclaiming, "It's all about me, me, me!" My poor husband groans and turns over in bed, all the while hiding a grin. He thinks I'm cute :) 

Third: I don't do any chores on my birthday. None.

Fourth: I eat anything I want and lots of it.

Fifth: This one is the most important, and it's the reason I'm writing this post. On my birthday I receive phone calls, text and Facebook messages, cards in the mail, and in-person hugs and smooches from the people I love. All day long people wish me well and send me love and I am reminded over and over again how lucky I am. No wonder I love my birthday and look forward to it every year! 

What if every day were like my birthday for everyone? What if we sent each other little reminders of our love and support every day? How different would the world be? And, what changes would it bring about in the individual sending the messages of love? 

I am starting a Friendship Project. From now until my next birthday on Sept 2, 2013 I will reach out to one friend or family member a day with a message of love. The message can be conveyed in person, over the phone, via text, email, snail mail, or even Facebook. I'm interested to see if this project will make me feel closer to people, and if the people receiving my lil' love notes feel closer to me in return. 

Mostly, I think people could use a little more positive interaction with other human beings. (Is anybody else as disturbed as I am about the comments left on almost any internet article? I should just stop reading article comments. They aren't good for me.)

I invite anyone who wants to start their own Friendship Project to join me! In fact, start here by posting a nice comment on my blog - and I'll write back to you :) 

And let me know if your project has a positive impact on you and the people in your life. 

Love to all!

B

 

 

 

 

Oh Yeah, She Did...

By Nicole Hand

I went to an absolutely hilarious theater production last night called 'No She Didn't! Good Girls Gone Bad and the Dances That Happen.' I knew I was in for a good time with my girlfriends, and I knew that the production would be great, (the two women who wrote and choreographed the show - Kathleen Hahn and Lisa  Zahiya are very talented), but I never expected that such a lighthearted show would bring up so much emotion in me - and give me so much to think about. 

There is a lot of almost-nudity in the show, (I must get a pair of pasties!) which never felt awkward except when it was supposed to, and then it was hilarious. Having gone through a lumpectomy recently it was great to watch women celebrate their bodies and their breasts in a very frank way. It was also a profound experience for me to watch women, and men (there were a few male dancers), approach their sexuality and their bodies with such levity. Sex, desire, etc. are often treated with such seriousness, or fear, and none of that was present last night. Instead, everyone in the audience was roaring with laughter over things being portrayed on stage that are usually kept very private.  

The theme of the night was what women or 'good girls' aren't supposed to do, and as I was driving home I began to make an appallingly long list of the things that aren't acceptable for grown women to do. I won't bore you with the list, take 30 seconds and you can come up with your own. It was depressing.

Then I started making my own personal list of things that I don't do because I'm afraid of what other people will think. Thankfully, my list is pretty short, but even if there is one thing on the list, it's too damn long. Mostly, the things on my list involved speaking up when my opinion is different from the majority, and not being fully myself in certain situations for fear I will come across as 'too much' or as bragging. The funny thing is, I LOVE it when people can own their talents and say, "I'm really good at _________, " or "I did a fantastic job on __________." I love being around that kind of deeply-rooted confidence. Now I want some for myself :) 

Thank you to everyone involved in 'No She Didn't! Good Girls Gone Bad and the Dances That Happen.' You made me laugh until my face hurt, and then you gave me a lot of things to think about the next day - and probably for weeks to come. xo

 

Flip the Switch to Off - or The Cosmic 'Duh'

By Nicole Hand

I took a day off from work on Monday. I haven't had a day off this year - other than time off for 2 surgeries - and having my upper palate separated and a lump removed from my breast - well, not exactly good times. So I splurged big time and spent the day at the Grove Park Inn Spa. If you want to be jealous, check out these photos of the spa. It's ok to drool, I am jealous of my past self already - oh, to spend another day at the spa! 

I got a massage and then spent the rest of the day floating in their mineral pool, (The pool has music that plays underwater - so I floated on my back until the music lulled me to sleep, which of course resulted in copious amounts of water rushing up my nose when I sank to the bottom.) eating lunch, sipping wine, and curling up with a book by one of their many fireplaces. I spent 9 hours - NINE hours! - relaxing, floating, and reading. It was heaven.

But...

As hard as it is to imagine, there is a 'but.' 

I had a really hard time for the first few hours relaxing. My mind, so accustomed to planning, multitasking, working and problem solving did not want to quiet down. I was fidgety and my mind was restless. I actually considered going home, even though I had paid for the entire day. And once that possibility bubbled up in my consciousness, my mind immediately started making lists of all the things that I could accomplish with my day off. 

And then a very quiet voice, somewhere far back in my brain said, "But doing all those chores and errands - that's not a day off." 

That woke me up enough that I became more aware of my tranquil surroundings. I looked at the people who were sharing the pools with me. There were people floating in the pools, sleeping, talking quietly to a friend, but there were more people who were pacing, switching incessantly from the hot tub to the pool never spending more than 3 minutes in each, and checking their electronic devices (even though they are strictly forbidden in the spa). I saw myself in both groups of people; I saw my past, and my present.

In the past, I had no trouble taking time for myself. It wasn't uncommon for me to read, and do nothing else, for hours at a time. I've always been very driven, but I also had an off switch that I could flick at any time. Here lately, my off switch seems to be broken.

I know it isn't healthy, for me, to be constantly on the go, but I also know that I take a sort of sick pleasure from being overworked and tired. I see this in a lot of my friends and colleagues as well. People wear their exhaustion like a badge of honor; I know I have. 

After a few hours at the spa, I finally let go of the idea of doing something 'useful.' I gave in to sensation, and random thought, and beauty. And of course, as these things always happen when they are uninvited, I had a profound experience - my body, and my mind, thanked me. My muscles lost their tense fight or flight grip, my mind stopped jumping from one thing to the next - everything about me relaxed and let go. 

And I had the thought, almost as if I was outside of myself speaking to a friend: "Well, surely this is more useful to you, Brandi, then cleaning out the kitchen cabinets."

It was a huge cosmic 'duh' moment. 

So I'm committing to more down time. More thinking, reading, dancing, and creating time. More breathing and just being time. 

The work, which I love, will always be there. And it's ok, and necessary, to take a break. 

Organize the things you hate

By Nicole Hand

I hate housework. Hate it! There, I said it. Hate is a strong word - oh well, I'm not taking it back. So there.

I don't like housework, my husband is a total slob (I am ever-so-slightly less of a slob), and we have 5 pets. While I don't like to clean up, I cannot be happy in a cluttered, dirty house. It grates on my nerves and I become a total grouch. This is a recipe for disaster. 

Tom and I are a happy couple, but we fought about the house regularly, keeping tabs on who was or wasn't pulling his or her own weight --- until, the magic calendar. 

At work, I am completely organized. I manage entire projects, color code charts, make lists, and lovingly use spreadsheets. It finally occurred to me; treat my housework like I treat my job. 

So I made this calendar, which is posted on the fridge: 

We are each assigned one major chore a day and we also each have an ongoing chore: me, laundry - Tom, dishes. 

This system works for a number of reasons. We only have one thing that we must do, so we aren't overwhelmed by too many chores. I no longer spend my Saturday or Sunday in a pissed-off rage that the only time I have off is spent doing something I loathe. I don't have to tell Tom what to do so I don't feel like his mum, and he doesn't feel nagged. If the calendar is followed, the house is never an utter wreck, so it's much easier to do a 'deep clean' (mopping, dusting, etc.) right before company or a house guest arrives; so there is never a panic-inducing scramble to clean up.

The calendar is flexible. If the house needs to be vacuumed more than the guest bathroom needs a clean (b/c we haven't had any guests that week), then I'll vacuum instead. If a chore doesn't get done on Monday because of an insane day at work, then it gets done on Tuesday instead. If the cat litter, which we keep in the basement, is making itself, ahem, known, then it gets cleaned - NOW.

The point of the calendar is NOT to stress about being perfect and getting everything done all the time, instead, it is about structure and setting a reasonable daily goal. Before the calendar I would be so overwhelmed by all the chores that I would make like an ostrich and bury my head in the clutter. We began to use the calendar and though it wasn't as evident in the beginning, after a while the house became consistently cleaner and nicer to live in. And now I'm able to tackle projects like cleaning out closets and getting rid of books I'll never read again. 

Think about organizing the things you hate, but must do. It might make you happier :) 

Recommitting to Movement

By Nicole Hand

One of the things that makes me happy is movement. Dance has always been a love of mine, and although I don't always like exercising during the workout, I do love the way I feel after - energized, stronger, my blood happily humming through my veins. 

I haven't been able to move around much in the past two months. First I had my jaw surgery, and shortly after that the lumpectomy, both of which cut down on my activity. It was ok to take a rest, and it was actually kind of nice not to feel pressured to exercise for a while, but lately I've been feeling sluggish. My body needed to move.

Movement, like anything, is a habit. I was probably capable of going back to my exercise routine last week, but I had gotten out of the habit. I needed a kick in the ass to get revved up again, and this morning I got one. 

I saw this video of an 86-year-old gymnast: 

 

This woman is a total inspiration to me. She is graceful, full of life, and a testimony to what keeping fit can do for the human body. All it took was one watch for me to recommit to exercising, movement, and feeling joyful in my body again.

Happy, Happy, Happy!

By Nicole Hand

I've been focusing so much on my health and my jaw surgery/braces adventures that I have almost completely forgotten about the other purpose of this blog - to write about and explore what makes me happy. So, this week, no teeth related posts! I will write and post about happiness. 

There are different levels of happiness. If something can pull me out of a funk and make me smile, or even laugh, then it's worth noting. 

The following three youtube videos always make me smile. It comes as no surprise that the videos involve dance and a cat - two of my great loves. 

The Sound of Music Flash Mob - always makes me cry happy tears. 

Ninja Cat - I want this little guy to stalk me! 

A community coming together to put together the most romantic proposal I've ever seen.

None of these videos are super-profound, or hold the key to happiness. They just make me smile and feel good about humanity. 

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